Today’s post is from our regular Wednesday contributor, Cat.
I have a hard time asking for help, and that has become more and more apparent the further I go along in life.
I have never needed more help in my life than I do at this very moment, and I’ve had to really, really sit and think about what I want most and what I need to live a very healthy, happy life.
Right now I have a mother’s helper, a high school student who comes to help me with the babies three afternoons a week. I also have a housekeeper, and I have a dog walker too.
I know it’s very abnormal for someone to have all of those things in the pf blog world, but I’m not even going to apologize for it because it’s an investment that’s hugely paying off. Instead of spending 5 hours a week cleaning, I pay someone to do it, and with the five hours I get back, I can make almost 2-3 times the amount I pay her with my online endeavors.
With my mother’s helper, I’m paying her to give me a mental health break. You have no idea how much it helps just to have another person come and feed one of the twins while I feed the other one. When my house is calmer, when there is less screaming from the babies, I am happier and a better mom. Plus, my mother’s helper is a hard working girl, an excellent saver, and she is saving for her first car so each check I write her is going towards that which makes me feel good.
Like I said, it’s more help than I’ve ever had in my life, and it’s all help I have to pay for since I have no family on either side who live in New Jersey or even in the northern part of the country.
I battled with these decisions for months. My husband had to have a come to Jesus meeting with me about it and really had to let me know it was okay if I was not able to do it all myself. My family is my priority and after that comes my work. By hiring help, I am able to get hours back to do my work, pursue new projects, spend extra time with my babies, and in general be a nicer person.
It’s taken me 4 months to get to the point where I somewhat have a system and a schedule down, and all I can say is that I should have done it much, much sooner.
If you’ve been toying with the idea of getting help with whatever you need at this moment, sit down and actually do the math. What are you worth per hour? What is your time worth? Can you make more money or have a more enjoyable life by hiring out some of the not so fun stuff? I understand that it might not be the “frugal” way to live and that it might be frowned upon by most personal finance enthusiasts. However, if you can still bring in an income and be productive while still having help, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t.
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If it makes you feel better I have had a cleaner, gardener and nanny at one point. I’m a single mum of two running a fairly full on business and while I do have staff, there has been massive growth and restructuring this year, not to mention court and issues with my ex.
I think hiring help is completely fine. Besides, I can pay someone $20 – $30pr hr to clean. In that same hour I earn significantly more than that so I think it is definitely worth it. I don’t like cleaning or gardening, so why not outsource those jobs and spend my time on either earning more money than I am handing out or quality time with my kids. It’s a matter of what my time is worth and what I want to do with that time.
I have never heard of a mothers helper before but absolutely love the idea.
When we move house I will be taking up a regular cleaner and gardener again with a part time nanny too.
I am terrible about asking for help. I like to do everything myself – it’ s kind of a control thing I guess. I think it’s definitely necessary though. It makes sense financially if you’re bringing in more money, but more importantly it’s a quality of life issue. Who cares how frugal you’re being if you’re miserable all of the time?
I am amazed that you continue to keep your babies at home while you work. Don’t feel bad about hiring a helper. I’d have those babies out the door to daycare so fast! I cannot work with my kids here. It simply does not happen. They talk though, so perhaps that is the difference =)
We’ve been battling with some of the same decisions ourselves. We’d hire someone to clean, but just hate the thought of spending the money. But, you’re right on with the ability to make more aspect – not to mention only being so much time in the day. :) If we do hire something out, like with our taxes, it’s because it’s going to save me significant time and be done better. That said, it’s definitely worth it especially if it can balance life out a little more.
I was a mother’s helper during law school and love the extra money! I haven’t been on the other side where I need the help yet, but I’m also single without children (or pets!). I imagine I’ll need help at some point in my future, just not yet.
If you got it, spend it. But add that to the cost of havig kids, and add an additional few months (years…?) to your financial independence date.
But I know a nice relaxing day is important too. And it’s great for the person making the money. They can save and get to FI quicker!
I would love to have a housecleaner and even someone for the garden but realistically, it’s not in the cards right now. If I had a way to make more money than the cost, like you, then it would be a no brainer.
I agree with you Cat, that you really need a helper especially now that you have twins. I have my cousin’s son living with me and he is my helper for a few years now.
I always look at the cost benefit analysis of help like this. I send my son to an after school program and I have a housecleaner because on average this saves me 15 hours a week of my time. And I make WAY more money in 15 hours than I pay out for this assistance.
I would loooove to be able to justify to myself hiring a housekeeper. However, the plain truth is that I don’t have a lack of time, or more profitable ventures to undertake, I’m just plain lazy. I’m working on that, though. And bet your bottom dollar that as soon as I have a reason to justify it, I sure will.
As Shannon said, I like to run a cost benefit analysis. I do value my time, but I also value my money! I typically hire people when I don’t have the tools or knowledge to complete the job.
kylieofiu The mother’s helper is great. She’s 17 so she just holds the babies, cleans the bottles, etc. She’s a big help.
The Barefoot Budgeter I am too. I’m really trying to get better about it!
Holly at ClubThrifty I know. I think if I lived anywhere but 40 minutes outside of Manhattan I’d place them in a daycare a few hours a day but it’s just too expensive here.
I am so glad to know you have some help. I almost lost my mind with one newborn and I had a husband who was home by 4 most days. My poor sister really almost lost it with her husband in a surgical residency when their first was born, and I bet your hub’s hours aren’t much better. I totally think you are right to hire out those things. I have a hard time with hiring household help, but I do honestly have time to get it done at this point in my life. I wish I had hired more help when my daughter was little. We just feel like we should be able to do it all, and you just can’t, at least not with your sanity intact.
FrugalRules The hubs had to force the cleaner on me haha. He was right about that one. Best decision ever.
theFinancegirl I bet that mom loved you!!
No Nonsense Landlord You make a good point of course! I wouldn’t say my days are nice and relaxing ever haha but having the help takes the edge off. :)
debt debs Thanks! Yeah I’m glad I don’t have to mess with a garden. I have a black thumb lol.
Clarisse @ Make Money Your Way That is awesome! Glad you have some help too!
blonde_finance Exactly. It was a good investment for me too.
moneypropeller Haha you are far from lazy – trust me on that!!!
DebtRoundUp Exactly. That makes sense. At this point, if I can play in the living room while someone else washes my dishes, it’s very, very worth it to me.
Eyesonthedollar I can’t even imagine hubs doing a surgical residency. I’m over here begging him to pick primary care, lol. I would definitely lose my mind and I’m hoping he hates surgery lol. I agree. I like to think I can do it all because I’m hard headed like that but I just can’t. It was all falling apart.
You have no idea how happy this post makes me, Cat. I know this is something you’ve been struggling with for awhile. And it takes time to figure out that balance as a new Mom. I know so many people in the PF world beat the drum of save, save, save. And saving is important but so is using your money wisely, which you are doing. I’m glad you’re accepting help so you can continue to grow your thriving business and be a great mom and wife. Now that’s being a role model to me. I can do it all by myself is a myth. You need help.
I am really stubborn, so I also have a hard time asking for help. I think a lot of us like to think we can handle absolutely anything life throws at us alone, but there’s not much joy in that (and it’s often impossible to sustain). I’m glad you decided to hire help and have a little less stress to deal with! That definitely counts for a lot. Sanity is priceless =).
This reminds me of one of my favorite blog posts of ALL TIME. I think you’ll identify with it:
http://meadowdevor.squarespace.com/moneyblog/2012/5/2/help-wanted-stubborn-seeking-sanity.html
“Asking for help doesn’t make us weak. It makes us strong.”
Kudos to your for getting the help you need to keep moving forward and doing the best thing for you and your family. :)
This is exactly the kind of thing I’m talking about when I say I need to have more money in order to have children. I want to be able to hire help if I need it and be a stay at home mom if I want to. No, money can’t buy happiness but it can buy help which is very useful for staying happy.
It seems to me that it was a very wise and well thought out decision for you. I have no idea what it’s like to be in your shoes, but I can only imagine how tough it is to juggle everything!
DebtChronicles Thanks Travis I’ll go check it out!
PinkSunshine94 Yeah good for you! I should have thought it through more.
JourneytoSaving I am stubborn as all get out haha.
ShannonRyan Aw thanks Shannon!
Beachbudget It’s getting better!