As many of you know, money is the #1 issue that leads to arguments in relationships.
It makes sense, right? You take two people who have their own way of doing things, push them together, and expect them to be on the same page about finances. Since money is so important and affects everything we do, this can automatically cause some tension.
When I first got married, my husband and I joined our bank accounts. We agreed way back in those early days that if we were going to buy something over $50, we had to ask the other one first. This worked out surprisingly well, and I honestly have no idea where we got the idea from.
We actually have one spender and one saver in our family. Can you guess who’s who? (*cough* One is a personal finance blogger.) :) However, by putting this $50 limit on our spending, it kept us both in check and created open communication, something we both value to this day. Sure we’ve had times when I’ve been too strict about not spending, and he’s spent too much, but over the past three and a half years of being together, we’ve reached a really comfortable equilibrium.
To be honest, I used to think it was a bit of a curse marry a spender when I was a saver; however, now I realize it’s actually an ideal situation for a relationship. If we were both savers, we’d both be pinching pennies, entering numbers in excel spreadsheets, and never doing anything fun. Essentially, he’d be as big of a nerd as I am, and we’d never leave the house.
However, because my husband encourages me to let go a little and go out to eat from time to time, we have much better balance. He’s also the one to encourage me to treat myself if I’ve had a particularly hard week. It’s this appreciation and this give and take that’s allowed us to become completely credit card debt free. We’ve also used this teamwork to build up an emergency fund, pay off large chunks of student loans, and plan for our future. He’s better at math, and I’m better at organizing. He reads an insane amount of news and always knows what’s going on in the stock market. I always read too many personal finance blogs, and so I’m endlessly inspired to keep working towards our goals. It’s created a beautiful balance that I’m grateful for. Seriously, who would have known this was all possible from just a little bit of open communication and an agreement about $50.00 purchases way back on day one?
I realize that many money issues can stem from trust issues, and not all of them can be fixed with something as simple as a spending limit. However, if you have a family with one spender and one saver, I can say that it has the potential to be the best of both worlds. All you need is a little bit of communication and a lot of motivation to work together reach your goals.
____________
Who is the spender and the saver in your relationship? Or, are you both the same type?
____________
Photo Credit: FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Check out some of our favorite personal finance resources:
Are you getting the best credit card rewards? Check out the top cash back credit card offers (updated daily)
Make extra money: 15 ways to make money from your computer
Get the First Chapter Free!
Join our online community and get the first chapter of the book Student Loan Solution absolutely FREE!
You two sound like my wifey and I. When we first met we didn’t have the conversation about money and how we handle things. That made the first couple of years together a little rough with the finances. I am the follow the book save this only spend that. She was more free with money. We are the yin and yang with money. She has helped me loosen and I helped to have help her see how important budgeting and saving really are.
YourDailyFin That sounds just like us – you’re right!
Luckily, we are both savers in our relationship. In the beginning, Greg was a little more spender than me, but it didn’t take long for me to whip him into shape. I think it is great that you guys are communicating about money. Congrats!
Holly at ClubThrifty Thanks girl. It’s a process for sure. :D
Thankfully both of us are virtually the same. We tend to be savers and have been for quite some time. Having that communication is so key, because so many couples do not.
FrugalRules Yes, communication is key! I totally agree!
I can definitely relate to this, not exactly in my own relationship but in my parents’. My dad is a saver and my mom is a spender, and while that has occasionally caused some problems, it has more often created the kind of balance you talk about. When we were young, my mom convinced my dad to take us all to disney world, which was crazy expensive but ended up being a really memorable vacation. But at the same time, my dad’s mindset has helped keep the family on good financial footing at all times. I think that balance is really great.
Matt @ Mom and Dad Money That does sound like a really nice balance!
I’m definitely the spender in our relationship. I’ve learned to rain it in over the years but I still feel the impulsive urges from time to time. One thing my wife and I did that helped was to budget money each month for each of us to have an amount that we could spend (blow) on whatever we want. That has certainly helped me as the spender in the family.
Luke_1428 Awesome idea. I just started giving the hubs his own envelope, and it’s helped a lot!
We are both savers for the most part, but my boyfriend tends to spend more. If he needs new running shoes, he doesn’t think twice about dropping $100 on a pair. As he sees it, they are a necessity, and the expense usually only happens twice a year. He’s also more likely to eat out. It does help to keep a good balance, since I’ll agonize over $30 purchases. Having a $50 limit sounds like a great idea!
JourneytoSaving I’m like you, but I’m working on not agonizing over so many purchases. It’s definitely hard!
I’m the saver and he is definitely the spender. However, it is good for us. He helps me enjoy money.
SenseofCents Exactly! That’s what the hubs does too. :)
I think it’s important to find that balance in your relationship, and like you said, communication is key!
Beachbudget Absolutely. You have to talk it out!
I am definitely the saver in my relationship. My wife is a spender. It is good because I am too much of a saver, so she balances me out and helps me enjoy life. :)
ayoungpro Haha I’m also too much of a saver. :D
That’s funny. In my family I’m the spender even though I’m the financial blogger! I’ve had to develop some pretty good systems to keep myself from spending money the minute I make it.
AverageJoeMoney That’s too funny!! You should write a post about it!
They always say opposites attract, right. Trust and communication are the two most important things to me. Like you guys, we discuss all of our purchases as well and are very open about our finances.
TacklingOurDebt I love it. :)
My wife and I are, fortunately or unfortunately, both savers. Fortunately, because we tend to agree on most money topics. Unfortunately, because we are those boring “nerds” making spreadsheets. We have a joint checking/savings account, but also have our own accounts, so a lot of the time, we don’t really consult each other on personal purchases.
Roger@lifelaidout Haha nerds unite! I’ve heard of the joint account and the personal accounts, so that’s pretty awesome.
I think balance is key. My wife and I have an interesting mix. I’m the nerd and she’s the free spirit, yet I’m more of the spender and she’s more of the saver. We have different opinions on what to spend our money on which means that most of the time we just end up saving it. This isn’t always a bad outcome.
CommonCentsWealth That’s so interesting. I love learning about how other people make it work!
I have a “peace” budget, and consider extra income what can be spent where I would not necessarily have made the expense but it keeps our relationship smooth! And I have to admit that sometimes, he is right…
RFIndependence Interesting. A “peace” budget is a great term!
Hey Cat, we are still in the process of working out what our marital finances will look like. I suggest something, Phil has to mull. He suggests something, I have to mull. We’re talking though and we’re working it through even if I do want to strangle him sometimes!
LindseyatCents
Wanting to strangle is totally normal in a marriage (right?!) Haha,
it’s all a work in process girl. Good luck getting on track. :)
My boyfriend and I have discussed this at length (I’m cheap, he’s not) and I think when we get married, we’re going to have several bank accounts–his personal, my personal, a shared checking, and a shared saving. When we get paid, all our money will go to the joint checking. From there, all the bills will be paid and a specific amount of money will go toward joint savings. After the non-fun stuff has gone out, we’re going to put equal amounts of personal money in our personal accounts, leaving enough in the joint to pad it til next paycheck.
msdrjuris Fancy seeing you here on DC’s blog! Thanks for stopping in. :) That sounds like a great plan!
We do pretty well coordinating finances. However, two in one account does not work for us. However what I really think would help is your $50.00 rule. Thanks
Margee I’m glad y’all like the $50.00 rule. It really is such a simple tip! :)
Yes thank you.
Margee :D
Sounds very similar to our marriage. I’m a saver and he’s a spender. It balances out in the end.
SavvyFinLatina It totally does! :)
I’m definitely the saver and my HB is the saver. Luckily he’s not a crazy spender otherwise we’d have some issues for sure.
momoneymohouses Haha I totally understand that!