This post is written by our regular contributor, Kristi.
We all have at least one friend or know someone in passing is bad with money.
They complain about never having enough money for groceries, but they come in with new clothes they bought with a credit card.
They laugh about not ever paying their bills on time.
They spend their money the moment they get it.
I’m not talking about people who are struggling to make ends meet but are trying their hardest, I’m talking about that friend who has both the means and ability to do better, but chooses not to.
Do you worry about that friend? Do you cringe at their financial mistakes?
Do you stay quiet or offer advice? What can you do to lend a hand?
How on earth can you help a friend who is terrible at managing their money without offending them?
Here are a few ways to offer support and advice friends who are bad with money management, without ruining your friendship.
Openly talk about your own mistakes
Sometimes it’s hard to start a dialogue about money with people who aren’t so great with their finances. If you see your friend struggling, strike up a conversation about your own mistakes. By admitting your own failures and talking about how you surpassed your own struggles, you can inadvertently give your friend advice or direction.
If your friend says, “I can never seem to pay my credit card bill on time,” tell them about the methods that you used to get that same problem under control. For example, you could say, “I had the same problem until I decided to automate my bill pay. It was such an easy change to make, but now I never miss a payment.”
Be a good example
Unfortunately, sometimes our own money-management skills dissolve when we spend too much time with people who make bad money choices.
Instead of letting their bad choices affect you, try to turn the situation around. Let your good example have a positive effect on their own choices. Pay your bills on time, don’t spend on credit while you’re out with them, and live below your means.
They will see how much easier of time you have it, and they may just decide that they want to emulate your financial success.
Suggest low-cost alternatives
If your friend says, “Let’s grab burgers and go see a movie,” say, “I have had the worst craving for spaghetti. Do you mind cooking here and watching a Red Box movie instead?”
If they want to go for a pedicure, suggest a DIY nail session at home. If your friend wants to go shopping, try to persuade them to check out that new discount store with you instead, or steer their focus in another direction altogether.
Find free things to do together
Remind them that you don’t have to spend money to spend time together. Find free festivals, go a walk together, find a new trail to hike, or simply sit at home and have a drink together.
Sometimes we feel as though we have to do something when we get together with friends. The truth is that real friends can simply enjoy each other’s company without spending $20 or more on each outing.
Use money management apps
If you want to help, but hate confrontation, a great passive aggressive way to show them how to manage their money is by using a budgeting or investing app in front of them.
Personal Capital, Digit, and Acorns are all fantastic apps that help you budget and save money. If they see you having a positive experience with your money through these apps, they may be more inclined to download the apps themselves.
If they ask for advice, give it
You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink. You can’t force your friend to make wise money choices if they aren’t interested in doing so. You can only do your best to show them through example and help them if they ask for help. If they do ask, great, help them with everything you have in your money-management arsenal.
Don’t force your wisdom on them though. It will just strain your friendship and cause resentment problems. If their money choices start to affect your own financial situation, then you’ll need to assess whether you need to take step back from that friendship.
Do you have a friend who’s bad with money management? What do you do to help them? Do you say anything or try just to lead by example?
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I try to be a good example but I don’t give advice. Most people don’t really want to hear it anyway!
I like to lead by example. In the event someone asks questions I’ll speak in generalities to give some tips but find that many just don’t want to make the changes necessary or view it as impossible to change.
Yes, yes I do! And I really want to help but one time I think I may have upset them…making it seem like I was lecturing them. Now, I just mainly try to lead by example and if asked I will gently give advice that I say has worked for me.
I just try and lead by example because unless they ask, no one wants to hear it.
It’s a dangerous balancing act. You don’t want to become the preachy friend who they don’t want to deal with. But it’s also hard to be quiet when you see them digging their own financial graves.
I think the best thing is to lead by example and try to hold off on advice unless explicitly asked. But I do like the idea of working your own experiences in as subtle advice.
Start a conversation about one of your own experiences managing finances. You can usually tell right away if the friend is interested in learning more (i.e. is the friend asking follow-up questions or just nodding/moving on to another topic).
Agree with the others in comments that people don’t like unsolicited advice and tend to get defensive. Start by gauging how receptive the friend is of receiving advice.
I love this post because I feel like I am much more responsible financially than most of my friends. I’m the weirdo in the group that loves to talk about saving money and usually end up making other people uncomfortable. I’ve been trying to do as you suggest and set a good example and offer up low cost ways to hang out. I think my friends know they can come to me with financial questions if/when they’re ready.
Yes it’s a tricky topic with friends. Maybe a good time to start a conversation is when they are showing their financial issues, e.g. talking about a late payment to a bill or credit cardl etc. And a genunine concern would be much better than preaching about what’s the right or what’s wrong personal fiannce.
Lots of insight here Kristi. It’s always difficult to share your money lessons with others but by doing so they can avoid your financial mistakes. I’ve learned that over the years with my daughters and hopefully they won’t repeat my mistakes. Thanks for sharing!
I think it’s a tricky topic and best to not talk about it directly, but rather to leave an indirect and impersonal comment here or there, that your friend can pick up on if they want to. Also, it’s a good idea to brag about your frugal endeavors once in a while, I think. It’s not ostentatious and it’s not preachy.
We have several family members who are bad with money, and you are so right that you can lead the horse to water but that’s about it. All we can do is lead by example and hope at some point they will get tired of paycheck to paycheck.
I really agree that sharing your mistakes and waiting till they ask for advice are great ways to help. People need to be ready to hear input about a touchy subject like money. Great post!
While I don’t have any friends who are terrible with money, I have plenty of family members who are. As you suggested, I do many of what you listed above. I relate to them and I try to be a good example around them. Hopefully one day it will stick!
This is such a great post as I can think of quite a few friends. I try to lead by example and not seem pressuring or judgmental. I find that a lot of people are interested in frugality and managing money as long as I don’t try to cram it down their throat or talk about it day in and day out.
I have had a few friends and family members who are bad at money. Sometimes they listen to my advice. At other times, they don’t. My mother told me a while ago that you can’t save everyone.
holly@clubthrifty.com Actions speak louder, anyway =]
Jaime Donovan I definitely wouldn’t say anything unless they were a very close friend or family member.
FrugalRules That has been true to my experience as well. Sometimes people would rather continue living with blinders on.
Andrew LivingRichCheaply Saying how well something has worked for you is a great roundabout way to give someone advice.
Beachbudget I hate how pride gets in the way. If more people would be willing to hear it, then we would all be much better off.
AbigailP No one likes a preachy friend, for sure. I wouldn’t offer unsolicited advice unless the person was someone I was very close to.
George @ Properly Gauging their reaction to financial topics is a great way to know if you can press forward and have on open discussion.
Settle Your Finances That’s so great that your friends might be willing to come talk to you. I feel like certain friends are more likely to be open about their financial problems if the person they’re going to is a trusted mentor.
Charlie_15 If you decide to say anything at all, it’s definitely a good idea to wait for the topic to come up naturally in conversation.
Laura Beth @ How To Get Rich Slowly One of my biggest life goals is preventing my kids from making the same money mistakes.
Fehmeen Absolutely! Talk about how awesome it is to save money by doing XYZ. Hopefully friends will be intrigued enough to ask questions or try it themselves.
Eyesonthedollar It’s hard to watch family struggle with money, but you can’t make them learn. Hopefully they’ll come around.
Pretend to Be Poor Sharing your mistakes is probably one of the better ways to bring up a touchy subject. You’re basically starting it out by saying, “I’m not perfect. Look at all the mistakes I made.”
lifeandabudget Just keep doing what you’re doing! Hopefully they’ll see that they can follow your example!
Chonce I too have found that people are more willing to talk about frugality than finances in general. It’s a great starting point for a conversation, for sure.
Jason @ The Butler Journal That’s great advice. You can’t save everyone, but maybe you can make a difference for just one person. Hopefully more people will start taking some advice =]