This post is by our regular Wednesday contributor, Erin.
As young adults, I’m sure we’re all aware of the negative stigma surrounding living with our parents after graduating from college.
When we’re faced with unemployment and poor job prospects on top of impending student loan payments, living back at home can make us feel like we’ve failed.
But it doesn’t have to be that way.
According to a Gallup poll from last year, 14% of 24-34 year olds are still living with their parents for various reasons.
While I would never tell anyone to “take the easy road” and leech off their parents when they have a job and can support themselves, if you’re in dire straits, sometimes it’s the only option available, and that doesn’t mean you’re a failure.
I wanted to touch upon this subject because I’ve seen friends unhappy with themselves when they decide to move back home, and I wish they didn’t judge themselves so harshly.
I have first-hand experience with this, as I lived with my parents until I was almost 23 – I moved out a year and a half after graduating.
Let’s look at why there’s no shame in living at home as a millennial.
Overall, It’s a Smart Financial Move
When you’re faced with astronomical student loan payments and no clue how you’re going to pay them back, plus difficulty finding a job, then cutting your expenses as much as possible is going to be a must.
Rent is typically one of the highest expenses young adults have, so it makes sense to move back in with your parents, where you’ll hopefully be paying less than you would otherwise.
When I graduated, I didn’t even think about moving out right away. For a studio apartment, I’d have been paying $800/month or more.
Instead, my (awesome) parents were nice enough to offer to let me stay for $100/month, and I still had access to conveniences like a washer and dryer. Considering I turned one bedroom into an entertainment room and had my bedroom, I think I got a better deal. =)
It’s a Great Opportunity to Learn How to Manage Your Money
Continuing to live with your parents gives you a chance to get your finances in order.
Once you do get a job, you can start to create a plan for yourself on a smaller scale.
Track any expenses you may have, create a budget, and form a plan for paying off your student loans (or any other debt you may have).
I landed a job my first month out of college, which was a salaried position at around $24,000/year. It was just an office position, and the pay was pretty lackluster compared to the cost of living.
However, since I was always on top of my expenses and debt payments, I was able to save enough to create a good-sized emergency fund.
I was saving a lot more than I ever would have if I moved out on my own.
I should note that I didn’t go away to college, which is another good time to learn how to manage your finances.
Either way, things tend to get a bit more complicated after graduating, and it’s much easier to take baby steps than to throw yourself into a situation you may not be able to handle, financially-speaking.
It Gives You More Family Time
I know, some of you might gag or roll your eyes at this one. I realize not everyone has a great relationship with their family, but I’m incredibly thankful I do.
My parents had always planned to retire and move away, and I knew they were waiting for me to graduate and “settled in” to make good on this plan.
I knew I had a limited amount of time left before they were 600 miles away, and I made the best of it while I was still with them.
It wasn’t all rainbows and sunshine 24/7, of course – continuing to live with your parents can create tension if you don’t define boundaries beforehand – but we missed each other a lot after they moved, and I was happy to have the extra time with them.
Many families are also embracing multi-generational households, and if family is really important to you, this might be an important factor to consider.
It Gives You a Slight Advantage When Building a Business
This might be a little controversial, but hear me out. I think living with your parents gives you a slight edge over others, especially when it comes to starting your own business (if that’s something you want to pursue).
Heck, it’s a situation Pat Flynn found himself in, and look where he ended up!
These days, it’s not uncommon to see 18-25 year old’s trying to create a name for themselves on the internet. There are plenty of YouTube stars that got their start while living with their parents, while attending college, or after dropping out of college.
A lot of us are familiar with how crazy it can be to start a side hustle while working, and I’m sure some of us have thought, “If only I didn’t have my job holding me back…if only I could dedicate all my time to this!”
Well, living with your parents puts you in that position, and it’s not the worst place to be in. It takes a lot of hard work, but there are many ways you can create your own opportunities!
It’s Temporary
Lastly, I want to drive home the point that it’s only temporary.
As painful as it can be to admit you can’t afford to make it on your own right now, there’s nothing wrong with that.
While the job market has been improving, that doesn’t mean it’s as easy to secure a career as it was back when our parents were our age.
I’m willing to bet most of us have felt financially strained after graduating. We all fall down at some point, and sometimes the only way back up is to ask for help.
There is no shame in that whatsoever. This is anecdotal, but almost all of my friends are still living at home, and most of them have finally gotten jobs (mostly in the teaching field).
Guess what? They’re still happy, and none of us mind hanging out at their houses with their parents. We’re not busy judging each other. The company is what matters.
If you’re dating, I know it can be a little more embarrassing, but I think people are capable of being understanding. My ex was four years older than I was, and he never held it against me, even though he had been living on his own since he was 16.
You probably don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who wants to judge you based on your living situation when you’re trying your best to get to a better place.
What you need to remember is that it will pass. It’s a small part of your history, and you’ll be looking back on it before you know it.
_____________________
Simply put, things are usually easier on a financial level when living with your parents. Yes, it does require that you be on good terms with them, but it doesn’t equate to being a failure.
When did you leave home? Have you had to move back in with your parents after living on your own? How did you feel?
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While growing up the norm was to prepare to leave home when you reached the tender age of 18. This will not be the case for my child. My home is open until she is financially stable and ready to launch. It makes no sense for her to struggle when she can stay with me and get ahead.
I would be saving and living there as long as possible. Be sure to help out around the house and be a asset to the parents.
At some point, you will not be able to visit them, and you will be glad for the time you spent there as an adult. And they will be grateful too, to see their kid growing up and contributing to the world.
Now if you are a deadbeat, move out right away. When you get a set of luggage for graduation, that is a major hint.
I think it depends on the situation, but assuming many of the things are going on that you’ve mentioned I say go for it. I moved back in after I graduated but only stayed a few months as I was wanting to be out on my own. Looking back, I wish I would’ve stayed a bit longer so as to better get my finances in order so I could be more prepared.
I moved home after college and lived with my parents for about 6 months before purchasing a home. My parents were happy to have me back and we all knew it was temporary. I also lived with them for a summer before I moved across the county- it was time well spent with each other.
I think temporary is the key word – my parents knew it wasn’t permanent or forever. I think they would have freaked out if I decided to move home permanently without a plan in place :)
I moved out of my parent’s house when I was 20 and while it was a great learning experience that allowed me to grow up and mature, I could’ve saved a lot more and took out less student loans had I stayed at my parent’s house. But I have no regrets, and if I ever needed to go back home I know my mom would welcome me back with open arms which is a nice feeling to have. I have a lot of friends who still stay with their parents too and I honestly don’t blame them as long as they’re working hard and saving. It’s expensive to live on your own and I’m lucky to have a good relationship with my bf where we can live together so that cuts down on some of my expenses as well.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with a millennial living at home as long as there are some firm ground rules set and followed. The greater problem I run into is a lot of parents and millennials fall back into old habits and roles of when they were kids, rather than following the guidelines you suggested. Kids expect Mom to clean up after them, cook their meals, do their laundry, etc. When done right, it can be advantageous to all, but when done wrong, it can create long-term problems of entitlement.
Debtfreemartini That’s a kind way to look at it, and I’m glad you’re open to continuing to help your daughter after she’s 18! I definitely don’t think it’s the norm these days to be ready to move out on your own after high school.
No Nonsense Landlord This sums up my thoughts pretty well, NNL! Don’t be a burden if your parents are nice enough to let you live with them, be respectful while you’re there, and try not to overstay your welcome.
FrugalRules It really does depend on the situation, though many of my friends are in similar boats (student loans, part-time/low-paying jobs), and it makes sense for them. Getting your financial footing in the meantime helps!
believeinabudget Yes, exactly! Temporary is definitely key, and you should be making every effort to save/look for work/get ahead, so that your parents know you’re not taking advantage of them.
Chonce Great comment, Chonce, and I’m glad you don’t have any regrets, as that’s important! I was really grateful that my fiancé ended up getting a decent full-time job right around the time my parents house sold, which allowed us to move in together and split the costs. It’s not easy alone!
ShannonRyan Definitely agree, Shannon. You shouldn’t act entitled at all once you graduate. For all intents and purposes, it’s “welcome to the real world” and children should be held responsible. At the same time, I know I’ve heard stories of parents still setting curfews, so I think children need to be treated like adults as well. Ground rules are necessary!
I left at 18. There was no turning back. There is no way I could move back in unless my mother purchased a bigger place. I used to living on my own now.
Jason @ The Butler Journal It’s definitely not for everyone, and I’m glad moving out worked for you!
I lived with my parents for a while after college, though I did pay “rent” so it was mutually beneficial. It helped them with paying the mortgage and I had below market rent and home-cooked meals =) Since I was working and going to school at night, I wasn’t home much anyway. I agree with Shannon though…there needs to be ground rules. Not only do kids fall into bad habits expecting their parents to take care of them, but parents also continue to treat the kid as a child rather than a young adult.
Andrew LivingRichCheaply I also liked that I was helping my parents out, so it was pretty much mutually beneficial for us as well. When you’re busy working and going to class, it doesn’t pay to spend a fortune on rent anyway when all you really need is a bed!
I lived at home until I was 23 also. I didn’t pay rent or any other bills. I bought my car and my clothes and life was a party. I didn’t care when others made remarks about my living at home. I knew they were a tad jealous. But truth be told, I was afraid to live on my own and I didn’t want a roommate. Living alone isn’t for everyone. We’re not all at the same maturity level at the same time.
Moving in with the rents is a great idea. There really ought not be much of a stigma attached with it. It’s really similar with what we do, well into our thirties: rent out a room.
Sharing living space is one of the easiest & best bangs for your financial buck.
kay ~ lifestylevoices.com That’s exactly what I thought, Kay! I didn’t really want to move out and be on my own. I had actually tried moving in with an ex in a house share environment, and it wasn’t for me. I was thankful my parents were fine with it and we both benefited! Truth be told, I am still a little jealous of my friends now, but I’m grateful we can afford to be independent.
DonebyForty Agreed – there shouldn’t be a stigma associated with “obscure” living arrangements as they’re becoming more and more common! Cutting living expenses is one of the best ways to save a lot quickly.
First amazed at how little that salary is, was that fairly recently? Over here that would be less than minimum wage and as a graduate hopefully you’d get around 50K in today’s market, then again we’ve always had a higher cost of living..
As for moving out of home. I waited until I was 24, then decided it was time to bite the bullet and move out :), haven’t had to move back in yet, touch wood and it felt great to move out, although I do still occasionally, most weekends head back home to say hello to my parents
mycareercrusade It was about 3 years ago when I first graduated. I was in the unfortunate position of needing to take whatever I could get to help out at home, but most entry level admin jobs were around $25k. Anything over $30k wanted at least a year or two of experience. Again, those were admin jobs – nothing highly specialized!
23-25 seems like the age range where many have their finances in good enough order to move out on their own. It’s always nice to visit and say hi! I visit my parents at least once a month.
I think it depends on each individual situation. Some people have medical things they are working through (either physical or mental) that make it more difficult to live on your own, and in those cases I think it’s definitely okay. I think it also depends on your parent’s house. If they have a huge house and you have a *somewhat* separate space it’s much more likely to work out than, say, if you live in a smaller home (or apartment) with your parents. I think it can give people a huge financial advantage over those who are out on their own so I am somewhat sympathetic to the view. With that being said, I think some people just get way too comfortable and their parents do WAY too much stuff for them (cook, shop, laundry, etc.).
DC @ Young Adult Money Agreed on all accounts, DC! We all have different family dynamics, and I realize I am very lucky to have a good relationship with my parents. Some of my other friends aren’t as lucky, and they’re pretty unhappy living at home, but they can’t afford to move out at all. From what they’ve been telling me, our area is now ranked as the most expensive place to live in the US. Yikes.
Even though I couldn’t do it (I was pretty much gone when I was 16), I think that it can be the right thing to do- especially if you’re looking to buy your first place. I’ve got a couple of friends who have stayed living with their parents for an extra year or two so that they could save for a deposit on their first house. To me, that’s awesome. The only time I think it becomes a problem is when there’s no end plan- when the kid is just sponging off their parents and doesn’t have an exit strategy. Just my opinion, of course!
Thanks for the interesting read.
Reece
I think it can definitely be a great financial move to live at home–provided your parents are OK with it and you’re not taking advantage of them. I didn’t live at home after college since I got a job across the country from my parents, but, it sure would’ve saved me a lot of money!