Today we have a post from Shannon, a regular contributor.
For those of you who don’t know me, I am a frugal wife. I am a lot of other things, but for the purpose of this post, we will just focus on the fact that I am frugal and married.
I also live in the suburbs of New York and take the train into Grand Central when I work from my office. Everyday that I catch the train home, I pass two flower stands that are set up right outside the train tracks, and every time that I pass those flowers instead of being a woman who would say “Aww, I wish my hubby would bring those home for me.” I think, “I would kill my hubby if he brought those home for me. What a waste of money!”
Whenever I have this internal dialogue with myself, I laugh that I may be unlike other wives, and I also think what other gifts my hubby could get me that would tick me off. So, in case you have a frugal wife who doesn’t appreciate you spending money frivolously, here is a list of a few things that may tick her home if they crossed your threshold.
1) Flowers
Please note that I am not talking about the kind that you could have picked from your neighbors yard. I am, however, absolutely talking about the kind that you would get from a marked up site like 1800 flowers.
I don’t care what kind of coupon you have for that place, after taxes and delivery charges you haven’t saved any money. Plus the flowers that come to your door never look as impressive as the pictures from the website. Even if you buy cheap flowers some place, they will probably run you about $10 and they will only last for a few days before they start drying up and making a mess that just has to be cleaned up, probably by your wife.
2) Jewelry
I know that Tiffanys and DeBeers have amazing advertising that would have you believe that your woman wants to be swimming in diamonds, but the truth is, you can get great, inexpensive costume jewelry that will get more attention than the real stuff.
The worst offense in the jewelry category is the engagement ring. You are about to commit to a lifetime with this person, you shouldn’t start it by overspending on something that might not fit when she gets pregnant and can’t be worn after the baby is born because you are afraid to scratch the baby with the ring. Seriously, though, you need to save your money for joint financial goals like a home, kids, travel, etc.
3) Car
Cat wrote a great post not too long ago about how her Facebook friend bragged about the “gift” of a car that her husband gave her.
A car is probably one of the worst investments you can make, especially if you are paying cash. If you had to finance it, then it is not a gift, it’s more debt, and who asks for debt for their birthday or Christmas? If you used cash, I would rather you give me a gift of an IRA or something like that; then at least that cash could grow in value over time rather than lose 50% the second you drive the car off the lot.
4) Name Brand Anything at Full Price
My hubby used to buy me a new Coach purse every year for Christmas. Back in my pre-frugal days, this was a great gift that made me smile. And we rationalized that it wasn’t Louis Vuitton, so we weren’t indulging too much.
Now, if Hubby brought a Coach purse in the house, he would have to turn right around and return it. Even the ones from the outlet stores are not cheap. Yes, there are some name brand options that are high quality and could be a great investment option, but most of the time, it is just one more item that will sit in a closet after a few months and not get used again.
5) Greeting Cards
Is it just me or have the price of greeting cards gotten completely out of hand? It seems that you can’t find a card for less than $2.50 and some run up to $6. I used to keep all of the cards Hubby gave me when we were first dating, and then for our first few anniversaries, but now they just take up space and I forget where I put them. So, this would be like giving me $2.50 and just hiding it, only for me to never find it, or eventually throw it out. I would rather have the $2.50 than the card.
I am sure you may be wondering what your frugal wife would love for a gift, and you will just have to check back next Tuesday for that list. Until then, it is probably best for you to not casually spend any money, or better yet, just ask her what she wants. If she says nothing, she probably means it.
What do you think would tick off your frugal significant other? As a frugal significant other, is there any gift that you would not want to receive?
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I don’t see the point of greetings cards either. I only buy them for people who really value them (my mum).
Oh I am so with you here, Shannon! I’ve received flowers many times and have graciously received them, even though I knew they were coming out of our household budget. Now I do not want them at all! Even a $1 card from the dollar store I do not want. Before our debt acknowledgement day, I had been admiring a camera of my SIL’s sister. I mentioned casually that I would like one like that one day. Well for my next birthday, my husband got me one. I realized after I got it, that I really didn’t want it that much, knowing that basically I was paying for it anyways. It’s like… what kind of gift is this? Made me realize to be careful what you say and ask for. I almost thought about returning it. But that was before I knew how bad our debt was and I didn’t want to offend his gesture. Today I would for sure, but then, he wouldn’t do that anymore. He’d see the daggers in my eyes!!! LOL
Lol- This sounds exactly like me! My birthday is this Thursday and I already told my husband not to take my to a fancy South Beach restaurant that I would prefer a normal priced restaurant (or dare I say have him cooking at home). I don’t enjoy things if they are so overpriced. Plus, since we have joint accounts in effect I’m also paying for the overpriced gift. I’d rather him get creative and find a gift on a budget :-)
Yep! I hate it when Greg gets me flowers or cards. It’s such a waste of money. The only exception is potted flowers. That’s totally different because they are expected to live a while!
I could not agree more on the cards! I was getting one for my wife for our anniversary a few weeks back and I saw some that were over $10! $10 for a freaking greeting card!! It better make dinner for us at that cost, lol!
I think it’s crazy that some cards are marked up so much. I’ve never been a card person, so I’m fine with people getting me cards from the dollar store. There is definitely no need to spend $5 on a card.
DeclutterbugUK Your mum is definitely worth the “investment” but it is crazy how expensive they can be.
Not going to lie, I love getting flowers and cards. But if my husband ever tried to surprise me a car I would NOT be happy! Usually we agree on gift price ranges before so that neither of us is surprised. It is all about communication
debt debs Ha!! So funny and so true! It really is coming out of your budget as well and if you are working toward other more important goals, like debt reduction, then the flowers (or camera in your case) are just a waste.
MillennialCents Ha! I know! I would rather my hubby get frugally creative as well. And I hear you on the South Beach restaurants. There are lots of places there that would be a waste. I hope you have an awesome birthday celebration on Thursday!
Holly at ClubThrifty True! Potted flowers should be a longer term investment rather than flowers that will just die in a few days. Although, if the potted flowers were in my house, they would have the same lifespan as the other flowers, I have an absolute black thumb.
FrugalRules Ha! So true John!! $10 is out of control! It’s just paper! I literally made my hubby a birthday card this year with pic monkey and printed it out on printer paper. I was pretty proud of my frugal card. :-)
SenseofCents It really is crazy how expensive cards have become. There are so many other things you could get for $5. I have lost most of mine anyway.
BudgetforMore Ha!! The surprise car is definitely something to get angry about. At least the flowers and cards won’t come with years of debt. :-)
My husband recently got me roses for our anniversary. They were a bad choice because they never even opened up and just got droopy after a week. I don’t mind flowers once a year but I certainly don’t want him buying me expensive items or marked up flowers on valentines. I don’t even celebrate valentines. I think couples learn after a while what works and doesn’t in terms of gifts. We’ve learned that we’re not really into gift giving material things. We rather have an experience, such as travel.
Oh and I stopped buying greeting cards at Hallmark stores a long time ago. For weddings, birthdays and all occasions I buy them at the dollar store. They are usually 2 for $1. Love it!
Raquel@Practical Cents The dollar store is a great place to get cards! And I agree, each couple needs to learn the best gift giving for them but buying marked up flowers never seems to make sense.
Hmm, when I was in a relationship I never minded getting flowers or cards. I mean if we as a couple couldn’t feed ourselves and then someone was buying that, I would say that’s a waste, but if you know that every once in awhile that splurge would make your SO happy, then I would say go for it. The same for me spending money on that. I’m on a tight budget, but if a card after a friend’s father passed away would make them at all happier, it’s worth the $2.50 other than some generic $1 card. I think it just depends on each individual. For my birthday this past year, someone got me a mad libs card and at my house we all had a good time calling out words. I still have that card and it still makes me laugh. Priceless.
Ahh flowers! I love my wife, but I told her that I will not buy flowers on Valentine’s day or Mother’s day. The prices are jacked up. I’ll get it on our anniversary or her birthday or something like that. My wife never asks for jewelry, and it is so expensive…I’m with you on the engagement ring, but it’s tough to change everyone’s mindset. As for cards…I usually don’t buy them but when I do I’ll buy it at a place that sells it half off, and I’ve also made my own card too.
Really flowers, oh come on a guy can’t win ;) haha.. A nice simple bouquet surely is not pushing the purse too far is it?
Interesting and enlightening post Sharon, thanks for sharing
I have to agree with all of these, flowers the most. They are a waste as they die so soon after purchasing them. I’m also just not a flower person. I only get greeting cards from the dollar store as they usually have a special 2/$1 deal. I would never spend more than $2 on one when they usually get thrown out!
Beachbudget I agree that there are some instances where the “splurge” makes sense, especially if you find the right card or the right gift at the right moment. I have never seen a mad libs card, but I love mad libs!! My son loves to play it with his friends, but he only seems to use the word “poop” as a noun, verb and adjective.
Andrew LivingRichCheaply Oh yes, Mother’s Day flowers are out of control. I remember one time reading that it is the number one sales day for 1800 flowers and after I read that, I just knew that the prices were out of control. You really can find better deals from local stores than anywhere online. And the engagement ring is a tough battle to fight, but it really makes no sense. I would never trade in my “smallish” ring and I am glad my hubby didn’t spend too much money on it.
mycareercrusade A nice simple bouquet is exactly what you should get if you want to and it will only run you about $15-20 vs. $40+ when you factor in taxes and delivery. I’m just trying to help you out. :-)
JourneytoSaving I know! Flowers never seem to last as long as you would like and then they only make a mess. And I agree, anything more than $2 for something that will likely end up in the trash is just crazy.
I think flowers are a total waste, too. I love a homemade card, or at least one with a well thought out personal message written inside. The price of greeting cards is out of control, though- $5 for a piece of card stock? Crazy. The dollar store has cards 2 for $1, so I try to get mine from there!
TheWriteBudget It’s true a homemade card with a personal message is the best! I have lots of other things I would want to do with $5 rather than have more card stock lying around. :-)
I do actually get cards for almost every birthday/holiday. I think it’s because my parents like them so much so I assumed it’s what you should do. My wife and I both have saved our cards for years now. Not sure if we’ll ever read them again, but they are so expensive it’s hard to consider throwing them away!
I love this. My fiance is incredibly frugal. I get her flowers here and there, and she likes it. I don’t know that I could give her anything that she wouldn’t be happy about though. Then again, I don’t buy extravagant, expensive gifts!
DC @ Young Adult Money Well giving cards is not the worst thing you could do, DC, but they are definitely pricey. I actually have saved many of the cards my hubby gave to me; however, we have now been together 12 years, moved a few times and had a kid, so it’s tough keeping all of them.
Joshua Rodriguez Ha!! Well, you see you don’t tick off your fiancé because you follow the frugal fiancé rules. :-) Good job!! You are set for a successful frugal marriage!
Uh-oh. Maybe we aren’t twinsies after all. I admit to being a fan of several of these. Chris doesn’t buy me flowers often but he does send them on my birthday and Valentine’s day. I know the mark-up is crazy on Valentine’s Day, but I still get the world’s biggest smile when the receptionist tells me I have flowers. I have been thrilled every time I received a little blue box, although it’s not a regular occurrence. We don’t gift cars though. When we buy a vehicle, we do it together because our vehicle needs replacing, not as gifts or just because. To me, extravagant gifts are fine if they make the person happy and -most importantly- if you an afford them. If you can’t and are going into debt to buy me a gift, then I’m going to be upset.
ShannonRyan Ha! That’s okay I still love you! :-) My hubby used to have flowers delivered to me at work as well and it was nice until I realized he was probably overspending because you get charged so much for delivery and other fees. I agree, though, if you can afford nicer gifts and they are part of your plan, then you should enjoy them. Definitely not a good idea, though, if you go into debt to provide them.
I’m not fond of receiving flowers. They die too quickly and I have nowhere to put them and nothing to put them in. Often the one who buy me flowers choose expensive ones too!
Ahaha this post had me busting at the seams! I’m sending this to my husband now because he will totally relate. He has not made any of these slip-ups, thankfully, because he’s as frugal as me.
Debtbustingchick It’s true, sometimes it’s really hard to even find a place to put the flowers and sometimes the colors don’t even go with your decor.
BusyMomBudgets Ha! My hubby read this before I posted it and pretty much said, “yup.” He says it’s much easier to “shop” for me now that I have become more frugal. :-)
The only time I’d want the greeting card is if the bf took the time to write something really special. But that’s only because I’d enjoy the sentiment. If he wrote it on a paper bag it would be just as special. I don’t care much for flowers because they die so fast.
Thanks for that. I feel so much better about having never bought my wife flowers! And greeting cards – yes! Name brand ones are so ridiculously expensive!
Oh my gosh you sound just like me!! My same thought process exactly on just about every one. It cracks me up when people say their husband bought them a car for that very reason. Is he making the payments? Even if he is and you don’t have to it’s debt that could potentially affect his financial situation in a negative way and in turn that affects you!!
Haha, this is SO me :)
Okay, seriously my brother in law told me this at my wedding, “So, if you find loose cash in that card box, that’s from me. I figured that you’d rather have the five bucks than the sappy card.”
He gets it.
As for the flowers, this tweet is my husband’s frugal endeavor: https://twitter.com/femmefrugality/status/363396592373469184/photo/1
Shoot, it’s more of the caption than the photo. Didn’t know it would bring that up on in the comments section like that.
I’m in agreement with all of these! I’d much prefer to save up for a trip, or nice dinner. We stopped doing gifts a long time ago and now save up for weekend getaways. My bf has gotten me flowers a few times and I always ask him how much he spent, lol!
StudentDebtSurvivor Ha! I agree a nice sentiment written on a paper bag is much better than a card written by someone else!
Daniel Flucke So happy I could make you feel better Daniel!
PinkSunshine94 Exactly!! The car just puts you both in a negative financial situation. I would rather be closer to financial freedom than drive a nicer car.
brokeandbeau Ha!! I imagined it would be!
femmefrugality Ha!! I love the frugal flower from your husband and the sentiment from your brother! I would definitely prefer $5 more than a card.
deardebt Ha!!! I used to ask hubby how much he spent after he bought flowers too! Then it just made me more angry and made him feel bad, so he has stopped. :-)
Isn’t it funny how we change, Shannon? For Mother’s Day, Rick bought me a 97 cent card and a package of Double Stuff Oreos (my very favorite). Knowing that he’s totally on board with the new, frugal me, and that he put so much thought into getting me something that I’d love but didn’t cost much, made this one of the best gifts he’s ever given me. :-)
Laurie TheFrugalFarmer Ha!! I would love a package of double stuff oreos too!! It is amazing how we can change our mindset. If we can do it Laurie, anyone can!