Nearly everyone has a goal of achieving “balance” in their life. In hopes of wooing potential employees, many employers will tout the work-life balance their company offers.
It’s natural to try to achieve balance. After all, if you focus on one thing for too long you inevitably sacrifice elsewhere.
There’s a reason why some marriages end up in trouble when one spouse devotes a disproportionate time towards work, or children potentially end up despising a parent who is always away on business.
But today I’m here to tell you that a balanced life is overrated. Before you dismiss this claim, please consider my reasoning.
Pursuing Balance is Futile
Life is naturally unbalanced. I repeat: life is naturally unbalanced.
This fact alone motivates people to try to conquer the system and create a balanced life. After all, isn’t balance and moderation good? If all you did was work out every day, wouldn’t you – among other problems – run into financial problems from not working? Sure, you would probably be the fittest person at the gym, but was it worth sacrificing everything else?
Pursuing balance can be good to a certain extent, but it’s much better to pursue the ability to adapt to changing environments. Life isn’t clean, neat, or anywhere near as consistent as most people would like to think.
Sometimes we need to dedicate all our energy towards family. Sometimes we need to dedicate all our energy towards work. Sometimes we need to dedicate all our energy towards our health.
Rarely do we get time to prepare for these situations.
Think about these scenarios:
- Pet develops a disease/tumor and needs extra medical attention in her last few months of life
- Someone close to you passes away unexpectedly in an accident
- A car breaks down while you are driving to work, leaving you stuck on the side of the road
- Your allergies start acting up, causing you to be miserable for the rest of the day
How many of these scenarios do we get to choose if and when they happen? None. These are all scenarios that have happened to me personally and I’m sure many have happened to you as well.
If not balance, what should we pursue?
People like to pursue balance because it’s something tangible they can work towards. It also gives the illusion of control over your life, which can be comforting if you ignore the flaws that come with such thinking.
There are a few things I do think we should work towards. They include:
- Flexibility – Planning and having a schedule isn’t a bad thing, so long as we recognize that plans change, often without warning.
- Recognizing Opportunity – Whether it’s a career opportunity or an opportunity to attend an event, it’s important to recognize opportunities when they come knocking. Opportunity can often be mistaken as something that ruins schedules and plans. Again, be flexible.
- Consistency within Reason – Consistency isn’t a bad thing. Consistency within reason can be a great thing for most. When I say “within reason” I’m saying you should leave room to try new things and break from tradition. Sometimes you don’t know what you’re missing out on until you create space in your life to try new things.
Life is full of changing circumstances and demands. As I said earlier, there may be a season in your life where your education takes everything you’ve got (remember finals week, anyone?). There may be a season in your life where you need to take care of a sick parent, child, or pet.
Leaning into, and even embracing, changing seasons in your life will be better long-term than the futile challenge of finding balance.
What do you think about pursuing balance? Should balance be a goal of yours or is it better to focus on whatever demands your attention at the time?
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Photo by Jacob Botter
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You’re right. There are certain things I try and balance but overall I very much jist go with the flow!
I agree that it is really difficult to achieve balance, but I still strive for it anyway. Over the course of the last few months I’ve come to realize that working a full time position at my job was really killing me. Stressing me out, causing me to work late at least 3 nights a week, and just making me really unhappy. Since I cut my hours things have been much more pleasant. While it’s not perfect and I’m now making a little less money, I do think I have a little more balance now and it’s been a good thing.
Very interesting idea DC. Now that I think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever really actively pursued a balanced life, but I definitely knew when my life was unbalanced. My last position at a large public accounting firm left me feeling 100% miserable. They required ALL of your time during busy season which ended up lasting several months a year. I’m a much happier and productive person when I can turn work “off” after I leave the office and enjoy other aspects of my life!
I have spent a good part of my life trying to find balance and as you know, it was a futile attempt doomed for failure. Now I am more focused on flexibility and acceptance. It is really all a matter of staying positive and focused in your mind and then the rest will fall into place.
I have really come to see since starting our business that having balance is a bit of a misnomer. Sure, you can do things to get it a little closer, but is largely futile most times. I’m much more focused on flexibility and being able to act when I want or need to.
I agree in being flexible and adaptable, but I do strive for balance because I know myself and my body, and without it I will turn into a wreck. So I had the sick parent thing once. My mom was on her death bed in 2000 for nearly three weeks. I flew home and didn’t care about my job or anything else for three weeks. I did adapt, but when she did get better my body fell apart. I suffered from anxiety and had panic attacks for a short while. I had completely ignored myself those three weeks. For some people that might not have happened, I’m I’m EXTREMELY sensitive to my environment, which is why I can’t just work work work without there being major consequences. Some people seem to naturally do OK in those situations. So that is why I try to strive for daily balance. I know I’m not always going to get it, and I’m OK with that, but it’s still and end goal.
Balance is such an over-used word! There are definitely benefits to rest and relaxation for me (which can be classified as balance), but I really like your point that life is naturally unbalanced. It’s helpful to look at life this way to have reasonable expectations!
I definitely think a person’s ability to adapt and overcome life’s obstacles is very important…because having obstacles is pretty much a sure thing in everyone’s life. I know some people who are too rigid and inflexible in their personality that they have a difficult time dealing with obstacles they are faced with.
I think there are definitely times when imbalance is necessary, but I do think I find a pretty good “balance” most of the time. Of course, without children and all the responsibilities that go along with them, it’s much easier.
Food for though, DC. I’m an all in type of person, when I set out to do something, I do my best. Unfortunately, it means other things can suffer and then all of a sudden I crave this balance. To make up for being off kilter, I may do a 180. I guess it’s a matter of knowing when to hold ’em and when to fold ’em, like you say “be flexible” so that you don’t run off the deep end screaming “I just can’t take it anymore!” LOL
I think some balance is good but without flexibility, there is almost guaranteed failure. I have many days perfectly planned but it’s rare when something doesn’t pop up. I guess I might be a little bored of it was always smooth.
Great post. You’re right- life will always throw curve balls, so even when you think you’ve found the perfect balance, it will inevitably be thrown out of whack. I do try to find balance in my daily life, but it’s an ongoing thing. At the end of the week, I want to feel like I’ve given enough attention to certain areas of my life- family being number one, work being second.
I agree that life is naturally unbalanced, but I still think that balance is something that should be perused. I believe that the more balanced my life is, the more happy I’ll be. Let’s take the car example: It breaks down leaving me on the side of the road. I have to call a tow truck to get it to my mechanic. Then I get to spend that day, and likely a lot of time over the next couple of days dealing with the breakdown. Let’s say it gets fixed, and the next week it breaks down again. Let’s say it breaks down every week like clockwork requiring you to spend a disproportionate amount of time on your car for an extended period of time.
What would you do?
Would you just continue dealing with the break downs over and over? *&#$$# NO. After breakdown #3 (maybe even #2) that car is GONE because I’d be tired of dealing with the hunk of crap, and the amount of time it’s been sucking out of my life.
Because I want balance, and being unbalanced is a huge pain in the butt. :)
I think it’s important to try to have balance. Of course as you wrote life is naturally unbalanced but we never know when something will happen. And when it does it’s usually very stressful and that’s never good. At that point we usually try to fix things quickly and get back to being balanced. Sometimes those problems can get fixed quickly and sometimes they can’t and I believe that’s where the Flexibility, Opportunity and Consistency can play a role helping you through the stressful situation.
It seems to me that you might be blending concepts here that are dissimilar. The scenarios you mentioned are short term, emergency situations that do require flexibility and adjustment. But when I hear “life balance”, I’m thinking more long term. What strategies/planning can I do to direct my life to a place that is manageable, fun and rewarding?
The last four years has been our attempt to bring more balance to our life. We were burnt out with the two-working-parent lifestyle and too many kid activities. That lifestyle was the product of our doing…no one forced us into it. We created life-unbalance by our own choices and it did create a great deal of stress. So we decided what we valued and worked towards different goals.
So far we are pleased with the results but only time will tell. Perhaps I’ll have a different perspective after a year of being a stay at home dad. Love the post and that you are pushing people to think about this!
PlungedinDebt I’m a planner so I definitely try to “balance” my life at times (i.e. exercise, eating right, etc.) but as far as what my main focus is, it can change at any time.
colormefrugal I think it’s natural to desire balance, but it can be difficult to actually achieve it. I think focusing on a career or job can work, but only in spurts. It’s unsustainable for most people to work 70 hours a week, for example.
BudgetforMore I think giving something “your all” can work but only in special circumstances. For example, if work demanded all your time for 1 or 2 weeks, but then you had a long break where it was flexible work schedule, less work, etc. it might work. I think we naturally strive for balance.
blonde_finance I am a planner so balance is a natural goal of mine. I’ve noticed, though, that if I figure out what should be prioritized at various “seasons” of life it can help my productivity and effectiveness. There is a time to focus on family and a time to focus on a career (i.e. when you’re looking for a new job or to move up!).
FrugalRules Gosh I can only imagine how difficult it is to strike a balance when you have your own business, especially if work comes and goes and you don’t have a ton of control over it.
Unexpected happenings do throw a wrench into plans, and I agree that it is important to adapt and be flexible. I do try for balance in most areas of my life, though. I don’t want to be so stressed out about one thing that I neglect everything else. Plus, I’m making myself unhappy in the process. I left one of my jobs because of that – work was taking over, and I didn’t see it stopping. That’s not what life is about for me. I do see your point about certain seasons, though. I guess finding balance to me means being able to find time to do things that I enjoy in the long run, as Brian said.
Beachbudget I think being a freelancer can be tough. I know that if I had my own small business and was self-employed, I would probably focus 100% on the business out of fear of the income drying up (even if I had a lot of work booked).
theFinancegirl I know I’ve sought out balance in the past and it causes me to be frustrated when I’m unable to achieve it. Instead I try to focus on being open to opportunities as they present themselves and being willing to change my schedule/priorities as needed.
I do agree that balance can be a bit of an overused buzz word but I do think it is something worth pursuing, even if you never manage to perfect it. And that may be something we need to recognize. The pursuit of trying to find that balance of work and play and stress and peace is a worthy of our attention. At the same time, we have to recognize that balance is also a moving and shifting target. I suppose it’s elusiveness is why so many of us are attracted to it.
Hey DC, I’d have to agree with you, the pursuit of balance in life is a futile effort. Awesome post, thanks for the great read!
I think some people should try to have some type of balance. I know for me that’s not possible right now. I like that you mentioned recognizing opportunity. I’ve been receiving a lot of opportunity recently even though this is one of the most unbalanced periods of my life.
I don’t have a balance at the moment because I working extra hours for more money to pay off this debt. I’d like a balance but I’d like to be debt free even more. So screw the balance !
Way to take a stand, David! I’ll respectfully disagree re: balance, since I think people already let certain, select activities (like work, or television) take up far too much of their precious time as it is, pushing the important-but-not urgent activities into the margins (family, friends, personal development). I think we’re more inclined to over-focus on a few activities than to give our myriad responsibilities the attention they deserve. Balance is the correct response to the reality that we have many roles to fulfill (father, employee, friend, artist, handyman, etc. etc. etc.)
Of course, like you noted, we’re never going to achieve balance on a regular or perfect basis. But that doesn’t change the fact that it’s a worthwhile goal to pursue. We’ll always fall short of the really good & worthy goals, anyway.
Andrew LivingRichCheaply I am definitely a planner, and perhaps that’s why I wrote this post. I need to be more flexible and have been working on being more flexible, especially with my time outside of work.
brokeandbeau It’s so much easier without children! Once you have children you really need to structure your schedule around them.
debt debs Haha I also sometimes go “all in” on projects, responsibilities, etc. It’s both a good and bad thing.
Eyesonthedollar I definitely prefer things to go smoothly! Things definitely come up out of nowhere and I have to adjust.
Raquel@Practical Cents I definitely took a hard stance on this post, but I do think that there is something to say about consistency.
Brian @ Luke1428 I’m glad you love the post besides thinking that I was discussing two dissimilar topics ;) I think you can try to establish balance long-term, but I also think it’s nearly impossible to predict/forecast where you will be in a year, let alone multiple years, down the road.
I’m glad you made some positive changes with your family and I can easily see my wife and I getting into that sort of trap where we just have too much going on. I have experienced burnout in the past and found taking more breaks and planning ahead has helped.
JourneytoSaving I like the idea of making more time available for the long run, but I think sometimes that does require more sacrifice – and imbalance – in the short-term.
ShannonRyan I think we all WANT to live a balanced life, but like you said, it’s elusive. I think it’s more important for parents to pursue balance for the sake of their children. Sometimes work can make relationship suffer, but I do think that there are ways to work around that (haha can’t believe I used ‘work’ to describe the fix for too much work).
Joshua Rodriguez No problem Joshua! Thanks for stopping by and the kind words.
Jason @ The Butler Journal That’s what I’m talking about! I see that in other people’s lives too (and sometimes my own). Some people embrace that opportunity (and imbalance) while others miss it or let it slip by.
Debtbustingchick Another great example! The season of your life you are in makes it difficult for balance, but it doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong. If anything you are making a sacrifice today for balance – and freedom – down the road!
DonebyForty Hmmm interesting perspective, and I appreciate the respect in your answer! I think sometimes there are more important times to embrace each role (father, employee, friend, artist, handyman) than other times. My house needs a new retaining wall. I plan on doing it myself by taking a week off of work and putting all my energy and efforts towards it. Everything else will be put on the back-burner for that week. The lack of balance will be worth it, though, because of saved money from doing it myself, from saved frustration by not trying to half-ass it by working on it only at night instead of all day, etc. I also won’t have to worry about it hopefully ever again! I have more examples, but I’m not sure you will agree anyway so I will stop my response there ;)
I like your take. I feel like I’m always searching for the elusive balance and I can’t find it, so this made me feel better, lol. I am a workaholic, and hardly know what to do with myself if I am not working. I think I can learn to be more flexible, and grateful. Thanks for the interesting read!
deardebt I am also a workaholic and feel like I always need to be doing SOMETHING productive. I get upset when I waste my time. I think there are times for rest and times for work, but it doesn’t mean there is 50% time for work and 50% time for rest, for example.
DebtChronicles Haha I’m not sure I completely follow your analogy, because I also HATE dealing with stuff like car breakdowns and other things in life that set you back in time, money, and convenience.
Interesting point of view – I never really thought of it that way. Striving for a balanced life in my eyes is striving for perfection, which is always a losing battle. Instead, focusing on flexibility and the skills to adapt are more realistic.
LisaVsTheLoans Thanks for stopping by and sharing your opinion, Lisa! I think it’s a tough topic. The more I thought about it this week, the more I thought about how it differs with kids. Kids NEED balance to a greater extent than adults. But I think adults, especially ones who do not have kids, shouldn’t really shoot for “balance” per se but should “lean in” when they have opportunities to.
I kind of agree with you. There’s really two things I spend the most time on; working and my kids. These are the two most important things to me and I think I am very balanced in this area and it just comes naturally. I spend time doing what I enjoy.
But I also have a super flexible schedule so I can move my attention to whatever comes up.
DC @ Young Adult Money LisaVsTheLoans You’re very right. Kids need balance and stability. There’s a world of difference between kids who do have that stability and kids who don’t. And that’s a very important thing for parents to recognize.
You’re absolutely right. Flexibility is such an underrated trait. We tend to praise those who are firm and rigid in their thoughts and opinions but in life the flexible and changing survive.
Completely agree, sometimes batching and being out of balance is necessary if you want to achieve great things..
I’d say more structure and purpose is a great habit than balance.. Balance is a subjective term and I suppose purpose and structure is as well but it comes down to what you want to do with your life :)